The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All the doctor said was why
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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