He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
