No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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