I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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