Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
