Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
