Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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