Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
