whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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