You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
