there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
