Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
