I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
