Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you never un-have a 4some
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
