Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My feet surprised me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
