Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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