I wanna passion pit in your ass
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
