I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
