Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
how does that bad decision feel?
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