I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
