We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
