so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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