I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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