found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
