Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
