you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
