I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
