Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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