I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
