I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
