i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
