The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
