so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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