i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
