You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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