I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
