He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
