Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
