okay pat passed out under dana's car
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
