with your own penis?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
