We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
