i love accidental penises.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
