How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
