Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
