Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
