ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
