i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
