i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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