You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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