Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
